Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Juggalett's LiveJournal:

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Friday, January 28th, 2005
5:29 pm	wow my god its been a long time. and so much has happened, nothing with Yossi, i have given up on him, i know that we could never be together because of his horrabul crimnal record...my mom would kill me if i was with someone like that. But i was "together" with Caley for a while, wow that was fun. it was just an amazing thing, then just as fast as it begain it ended like a road to no where. i have never really been so crushed before. but i guess i should start from the begining... Caley, the first time i saw him was in 2nd grade when he had his dad come in for a show and tell thing or w/e. he was never in my class but i just thought he was cute and i think he chased me around the play ground once but i would get all the boys to chase me lol i was nothing special. Then he left like the school or whatever and i didnt see him again until 6th grade it was awesome, he was in one of my classes Science and we had this aweful teacher .... but i totaly forgot his name lol. but he was def. gay or something. but caley sat next to liam and i sat like side ways from them so i could never see him. then he got in trouble lol so the teacher moved him across from me. now i could sneak a look at him when ever the crack i wanted, it was awesome. i dont really remember much from those days, mostly because im trying to forget, but i do remember one time in class i started to sing "if it makes you happy" and caley got THE CUTEST look on his face a d started to sing it with me. We started "dating" (u can hardly call it dating we where in 6th grade)and our first "date" was at New Pond farm for this fair thing and Amy was there, she basicly was my connection to caley since she lived so close to him. We where sitting on this bentch thing by the marshy water part, and the most embrassing thing happend! ok i was sitting there right? and a spider was totaly walking all over me, and i freaked, because its my biggest fear. and it was horrabul i just jumped up screaming and stomping my feet, but i had nothing to fear becuase Caley killed it for me ^_^. then a thrilling game of truth or dare got me my first kiss, not many people know that, not really something that i like to admit. But i have to admit lol it was horrabul it was sloppy and haha, but WTF we where like what 12 for what it was it was awesome. We broke up because back in the day i didnt know how to handle my feelings, hell i didnt learn how to until last year and im still makeing a few mastacs here and there. i really liked him, and i didnt know how to show it, i called him all the time wanted to be with him all the time and im embrassed to say it now because its so dumb but thats how i fucked it up, and the first time i was depressed. so the years went on and i went on to fuck up more relationships. But through out it all i couldnt get Caley off my fucking mind. In 8th grade we used to play Janga in ELS and i totaly kicked his ass everytime. and i was going to Forman so i figured i will never see this kid again, oh but i was wrong, and actually i kinda wish i wasnt wrong. Freshmen year i had broken up with Adam (that was one messy afair) and i went to Ag's house to later meet up with Caley and give him head, now i regreat nothing in life because its how we all learn shit. but thats really something i just wish i didnt do. because of the fact i still had no idea how to handle my feelings i hooked up with a kid that i had feelings for forever, knowing he would never want to be with me, yeah it hurt...ALOT but w.e we stopped talking for a really long time after that. Then i was kicked out of Forman and wasw so happy because i was going to be going to the same school as Caley again and maybe i would finally get to do things right, to bad he was givin to boot before me and for that whole year i worried weather he would come back or not. and he did (YAY for me!) but he was with Hannah so i had to back off for atleast a month or so giving it time, i mean i didnt know about anything w.e its what i do out of respect. but he was like in 3 of my classes, it was so fucking happy haha, my god hes so cute. but i knew i had no idea who he was anymore, because he had oviously done some growing and hey so had i. but i heard nothing but bad news from everyone, even shannon. things like he only wants ass, he smokes all the time and blah blah blah, now the smoking part thats true, but i wasnt so sure about the ass part i mean maybe before but not now. Caley is a different kid hes i dont want to make him sound retarded lol because hes not, but he is just so special, there is so much to him. he isnt shallow like people think he is, so being who i am i was going to prove all of this and hopefully obtain a boyfriend while im at it. Everything was going awesome, i got his new SN and i would say things like "yeah what was the english homework" or some BS like that to get a chance to talk to him. And AG was putting the peer presure on me lol to tell him how i felt, so after playing "lets not let him see im looking at him, shit he caught me" i finally told him i liked him online, and low and behold he said he liked me as well. well for the next month it was like a dance of emotions, i would take a step and see if he would dance with it. one this he was not into was dating, but his exsplanation as to y changed as much as Britny's breast size. At first this was a big deal to me because im just used to dating people and all the times i just tryed hooking up with people i would just get used LIKE WITH JUSTIN AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i was so pissed lol but thats a different story...anyhoo at first it was like a big blow, but then i started to be totaly ok with the idea of simply being "together" i mean i still got to be with him, and that was what was important to me so what was the difference. I WILL TELL YOU WHAT THE DIFFERENCE WAS! it was the fact that he wasnt verbaly commiting to me, and that pissed me off a little i mean. resently he said that he thought i was being very irrsponcabul with the fact that he didnt want to date me. but it wasnt that i was upset he wouldnt date me, but i was scared he would just like stop liking me all of a suddon and just like stop talking to me and cut me off, i was scared about that, and rightfully so! and it just seemed like he really liked me, like he said he did he just didnt want to date, which i was fine with i mean w/e. Then we went to counties and i have never in my life had so much fun as i did when i was there with him. it was just amazing. i have always felt like i connected with him and just his energy was so strong and just mmmmmm lol. And by now, now that he was at counties with me i felt like i had proved everyone wrong, i had proved that there is so much more to Caley that he is deeper than the puddle people thought he was. Sure we are different we think so differently but thats what made things and conversations so intersting and made the learning seem endless, i have learned so much from him. but just a week after counties Caley decided to take a totaly swing around and change his life completly, and the new caley didnt envolve me...which was a idea that is going to take some getting used to. but i guess i have to think about it as, if Caley doesnt know or understand himself then how is he to get to know and understand me. i mean as much as it sucks i have to let him go so he can find himself and be happy. and whenever he finds himself and if it takes so long as to he is no longer intersted in me, then i know it wasnt ment to be because if it was he would come back. so i guess u can say i hoping this is a short thing, but i know its not going to be. SO, why do i feel like i could wait forever with this kid? what is up with me? its like the feeling i used to get with Yossi only ONE MILLION TIMES stronger. Its a weird feeling, and i was telling ag about it and she finally made me admit it to myself that i love this kid. He has always ment so much to me. and really i went from 2nd to 6th that was 4 years then 6th to 11th thats 5 years...whats 6 more years, i have my whole life to either wait for Caley to find what he is looking for or to move on, i have years to decide what im going to do. but i know for a fact that no matter what no matter who i marry no matter who i spend eturnity with i know that i will always know Caley as my first real love, as the first guy that made me happy more times than sad. other than alex he never made me sad when we where together, but i messed that up. but its almost like i feel like this time with caley is the first time i havent done anything, and it feels great that i gave it my all and better luck next year kinda thing. Im so happy to love caley hes just such a wonderful person filled with dreams and wants and i want them all to come true, thats what love is all about. its not about dating or having sex or any of that, its about being one with eachothers feelings and respecting ideas and coming up with ideas and debating ideas. its about feeling safe and protected even when you are 1,000 miles away. its about being able to be without that person, its about being able to let them go so that they can be truely happy. thats all not to say that im a little dissapointed, i mean im a little depressed that i know the guy i love will never really love me, but the greatest thing you will ever love...is just to love. and i am happy just loving him, even though i cant really show my effection to him by phycal means i can come up with creative things, yep thats what i will do. so yeah alot of crazy shit is happaning but i guess im just trying to stay positive. love always your loveing table wentch, Carrie Lee from the house of Gray Current Mood: thankful Current Music: Requiem in D minor (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004
9:44 pm	ok, so life has been great, well except for the fact that my firend and i are in a huge fight...it all started when my mom couldnt take me to home comming, yeah i was up set so i told her about it and she offered to take me. and so we made plans, I was going to go to her swim meet and from there we would go to home comming then the next day i would go to the hocky game that she was going to sing at. but then after i promised my other friend that i would help her baby sit her monster of simblings. so i do have to say...home comming was awsome, but i think its just because i like to dance and shit lol and i never get to but ANYHOO...so we went and i had fun at her swim meet and then i felt like we all had fun at the dance, there where moments when we butt heads but we always do that, so i thought it was no big. but then when i got up the next morning i relized i totaly had no time to go to shannon's thing, and i felt wikid bad i mean because she was going to be singing at this thing and i would of gotten to see this guy that she is into and i thought it would of been cool. and i mean i wanted to be there for her, but i was jsut totaly swomped, so i called and told her that i couldnt go. and i thought that she understood because she souned dissapointed and yet fine and understanding. but then when i finnaly got everything done and took a shower and went to AG's house then came back the next day i got a message from Shannon that pissed me off soooooo much i cant even begin to exsplain...but we all know i will lol. GSPGOLDY (5:28:08 PM): ya know how we said we're going to share ourfeelings? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Auto response from Iloveelijah101 (5:28:08 PM): I can put aside my axe, give your butt a couple smacks -------------------- hey im not here right now, like im out of the house so u can call my cell, i think i will get service where im going ^^ 203 313 9878 love always Carrie -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GSPGOLDY (5:28:14 PM): welli'm gonna share mine GSPGOLDY (5:28:17 PM): i GSPGOLDY (5:28:31 PM): i'm so pissed off right now GSPGOLDY (5:28:44 PM): you were supposed to cometonight GSPGOLDY (5:28:58 PM): you said you wanted to go weeks ago GSPGOLDY (5:29:16 PM): i didn't want to go to home coming last night GSPGOLDY (5:29:46 PM): i would have been perfectly happy at home watching tv GSPGOLDY (5:29:53 PM): but you said you wanted to go so bad GSPGOLDY (5:29:58 PM): and you didn't have aride GSPGOLDY (5:30:09 PM): so i planned my night around you GSPGOLDY (5:30:34 PM): and you have the ordasity to say your too busy to spend 2 hours with me? GSPGOLDY (5:30:43 PM): after we planned this weeks in advance? GSPGOLDY (5:30:50 PM): oh GSPGOLDY (5:31:00 PM): and have fun at adriannas tonight GSPGOLDY (5:31:14 PM): i'm surprised you had enough time ok now i have no problem with ehr sharing how she feels. because i mean face it, she is like my sister i want her to share anything to me, but what i ment by telling her that was to do it in a calm way, and not to be bitchy: GSPGOLDY (5:30:50 PM): oh GSPGOLDY (5:31:00 PM): and have fun at adriannas tonight GSPGOLDY (5:31:14 PM): i'm surprised you had enough time = BITCHY!!!!! I just wish that she could know that she is not my only comitment, she isnt my only friend, and i needed to do like 2 papers and clean my house. THEN she has the nerve to then try to tell me that i basicly begged her to go to home comming with her, inwich i didnt, if she didnt want to go it wasnt that important, she didnt even have to go. but she says she did it to make me happy and no doubt she did that, but she cant sit there and use it aginst me. Friends dont keep tally, then dont say "I scratched your back now u scratch mine" thats not how it works. and when ever something like this happens its almost like she forgets all that i have done for her, like when iw as at Forman i would come home just to see her sing at school and to go over to her house. but you dont see me using it aginst her to get my way. its almost like she has toooo high exspectations for me as a friend, but i can tell you one thing, i am sick and fucking tiered of all this. it just seems like its all about her all the time, like when we are at the mall and i am in a video game store for like 3 mins she is ready to go! and she will leave the store just to get me to leave. and then we will go to a clothing store of her choise where i cant offered shit and we spend like a half n hour in there! so what we cant spend atleast 10 mins in the store i would like to go into but we can spened like an hour in her store, what the fuck is that shit. now dont get me wrong shannon does shit for me all time but this is the difference between us, i dont sit there and use it aginst her just to get what i want. thats wrong and thats not what friends do. GSPGOLDY (10:09:42 PM): carrie you said you wanted to go that dance so bad GSPGOLDY (10:09:54 PM): you didn't have to ask me GSPGOLDY (10:10:09 PM): because as a firend i can see when someone really wantssomething GSPGOLDY (10:10:26 PM): i did it because it made you happy Iloveelijah101 (10:10:31 PM): dude i did, i wanted to go but what im trying to say is u make it sound like it was the most horrabul shit i have ever asked of u and if u dont want to do somethign tell me GSPGOLDY (10:10:37 PM): and that hockey game might have been stupid to you GSPGOLDY (10:10:45 PM): but it meanta lot to me Iloveelijah101 (10:11:05 PM): and dont act all fucking "im the best friend" bull shit, because u know i do shit for u to. so dont u dare come to me like this GSPGOLDY (10:11:10 PM): fucking sean went GSPGOLDY (10:11:13 PM): SEAN GSPGOLDY (10:11:25 PM): and hes just a guy friend GSPGOLDY (10:11:38 PM): your supposed to be there when i need you carrie GSPGOLDY (10:11:43 PM): that what freidns do Iloveelijah101 (10:11:52 PM): thats fucking great, well since he is a better friend, then y dont u do more shit with him and less with me. im done with this bull shit shannon, so stop fucking talking to me yes yes yes i understand that she really wanted me to be there but the fact is she had Sean and her mom there, i mean if i knew she was going to be all alone i would of done everything in my power to see her, but i figured Sean and her mom should be good enough, but NOTHING ever seems good enough for her, nothing i do, because she always forgets and only remembers when i dont get to do something. and the worst part is shannon doesnt see this, none of it, its almost like shit wont lesten to me. I mean i always sit there and understand her side and she never seems to understand or want to understand where im comming from. and it sucks, because im just so pissed i cant even bring myself to talk to her. ebcause i know hse wont lesten so y waist my breath! so im avoiding her lol. i dont go to her lunch anymore or anyhting. but w/e she dont care shes to busey worring about her guy issues to even know im alive and angrey with her, not to mention she doesnt even think she did anything wrong with being a total bitch about this whole thing. and to point out something we both did and i kind of did it alittle bit more than her, is we skipped a step in talking to eachtoher, we didnt wait to calm the fuck down before we spoke, so we where both mad and not thinking clearly and thats prolly y she was being a bitch and then i told her stop talking to me lol. well i have to go to bed so later ~*~carrie~*~ Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: BLAH (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 8th, 2004
8:35 pm	more!!! You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator. "And The Goddess planted the acorn of life. She cried a single tear and shed a single drop of blood upon the earth where she buried it. From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into the world." Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek), Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian). The Goddess is associated with the concept of creation, the number 1, and the element of earth. Her sign is the dawn sun. As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic individual and people are drawn to you. Although sometimes you may seem emotionally distant, you are deeply in tune with other people's feelings and have tremendous empathy. Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your own self. Goddesses are the best friends to have because they're always willing to help. Which Mythological Form Are You? brought to you by Quizilla You came from the flowers. Innocent, cute, you see the world in a rainbow colored perpective. Happy, but sometimes a bit foolish. Where did you come from? brought to you by Quizilla You are :Pfil. Your young, innocent, and everyone wants to corrupt you. ( with sex. ) The Bondage Faries Quiz brought to you by Quizilla You're Bettie Page! What Classic Pin-Up Are You? brought to you by Quizilla SELENE: You are selene! Beautiful, vivacious, fierce and seductive, Selene vowed she would destroy Lycans after her family was murdered by the werewolves. So ruthless is she that selene is a member of the Death Dealers. This elite Vampire warrior class's mission is to make the Lycans extinct. Ever wish you could be a vampire? Which UNDERWORLD character are you? brought to you by Quizilla Congratulations you have achieved level 4 witch status... you have studied hard and learned well!! What Level of Witch are you brought to you by Quizilla The vampire is entranced by you and he just met you! Now thats power! Keep it up!(I'm running low on pictures of vampires, dark angels and angels... if you ahve any could you please give 'em to me? Much apperciated!) Would a light angel, vampire or dark angel fall for you? brought to you by Quizilla You're a witchy woman! Chances are that you see Morticia Addams as a role model, and your wardrobe sports a fair amount of black. The other mothers at school pick up may look askance, but your kids already know that the judgement of others isn't what counts. What kind of a freaky mother are you? brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: hungry Current Music: The History Channal (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 7th, 2004
7:25 pm	found some more cool things ^_^ You are pure love. Pure and deep. You not only want to but NEED to find your one true love. You are not afraid of any challenge for your love, and it is something to truly treasure. What kind of love are you? brought to you by Quizilla Your aura shines Blue! What Color Is Your Aura? brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: crazy Current Music: nothin (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
8:40 pm	. . . . im 17 now...and nothing has really changed. life is still as shitty as the last time i wrote in, but i guess that if life wasnt shitty sometimes u would have nothing to tell ur children about u know like ur parents say shitty stoys and shit...so if life wherent to give u the ups and downs it does then u wouldnt be able to grow and learn. Even though i dont have a very nice out look on my life right now, doesnt mean that good things havent happened and i havent learned some new things. I have learned pleanty of stuffers (new word...i just made it up ^_^) such as...well umm...the fact that i just cant seem to help anyone, i try and try, like lets take Yossi for example...::sigh:: Yossi the fucking love of my life is going away...And what do i want to do? well after my STRONG motherly instinks take over things seem to go the this form: 1)I freak out and cry 2)I sit down and think about whats going on and decide what i can do 3)I then proceed to shower Yossi with every amount of affection i have in my litte body 4)I load more stress on him (not meaning to might i add) but i do. and that pisses him off, none the less he is already stressed as it is. 5)so the i decide to take a step back and try to be a friend to him, try to make him smile (wich is hard over AIM i tell u that) or just try to talk about something that will take his mind off of shit for maybe even a secound. 5)....,it back fires, we get into a huge fight, and he is a complet JURK and then we stop talking...wow that went over well, nice one Carrie u BLEW IT AGAIN! Mind u nothing like this has ever happened before, i mean nothing like Yossi, he is so different and i dont really know quite what to do at the moment, like 2 days ago i sent him a friendly letter in the mail, basicly my last bit of affection...so hopfuly he will get it before...he...goes away...makes my heart sink whenever i think about it...i couldnt save him, and i think i knew i couldnt so i hoped and prayed that he would maybe meet someother girl that could save him and love him like i do. but offcourse selfish me thought "NO NEVER!!!!I AM THE ONLY ONE! AND NO ONE COULD EVER LOVE YOSSI AS I DO...MUHAHAHHA!" weird? i think so. but i cant..i just cant, u know y, its nothing wrong with me, its him, he doesnt want me to save him...i dont blame him, i hate it when people help me. I jsut want to do things by my self Never the less i tend to not wish to suck other people up in my fucked up life. But some how i always seem to hurt people, but i never mean to..i mean i just do, i mean i either cheat on them or in Yossi's case, i thought there couldnt be anything that coule tare us apart, because i had no earge what-so-ever to cheat on that boy..never..i really loved him...but whatever something about me sucks, maybe there are things that i jsut havent sorted out with myself yet, other than some unknown things i know myself pretty well. i know how everything works about me, now all that i have to do is fix some of the things. but then i think (im on a role tonight) if Yossi doesnt think that im funny or that he wants me to help him, then y should i change myself, i mean i have always made the promise to myself and i have never had the earge to change before. I chage for no one but myself...but i dont know part of me wants to chage to fit into Yossi life. and all of me wishes i could of givin him better, made his life easyer. i guess i will jsut pray to god that Yossi sees whats going on and does some growing where he is going and really buckles down when he comes home and does good this time. i want to help him, but its always going to be up to him weather i provide help or not... Dont know if any of this sounds good...dont know if it makes sence...dont knwo if Yossi is reading this and its just making him even more pissy at me...but all that i write comes from my mind trying to figure out what the fuck my heart is saying at the time, and i change my writing for no one! so i dont know, all i know is that im in love and i dont know what to do anymore. lol and i know that Alex is going to read this and shake his head and Jared is going to read it and wish i was inlove with him and then call me and complain to me lol. and Aunders if ur reading this i hope that u are well and happy and i miss working with you ^-^. and for all who are reading this...smile because it makes me feel better, that or scream at the top of ur lungs at something stupid...or someone stupid. love always your table wentch Carrie Lee from the house of Gray Current Mood: crushed Current Music: Bring on the men - from Jekle and Hyde (2 Comments |Comment on this)
6:31 pm	Quiz You are the most important person in his life. He would do anything to see you smile. Actually, he would be the PERFECT boyfriend. Always getting lost in your eyes, always treating you like a princes and always saying a joke to make you laugh your head off while he smiles at your hysteric laughter. Yup, he is the person you were destined to fall in love with. What kind of boyfriend would you have?(with pics and obviously for girls^^) brought to you by Quizilla You have Blue Wings! You are artistic and highly creative. Others are amazed by your imaginative ideas, and the way you speak so smoothly. You are very social, but you like talking face-to-face, instead of the phone. You love dancing, Writing, acting, drawing, singing, anything that requires artistic style. You have many friends, and are popular because of your unique style. Though your jokes crack up everyone around you, you often daydream about many different things, lost in your own world. Even though, you are optimistic, and remain friendly and loved by others in reality, you always like to visit your fantasy world for some peace from the hectic world. What Color are your wings?(Mainly for Girls)Beautiful Pix! brought to you by Quizilla You're a Winter. You very much enjoy your time alone but do like other people's company sometimes. You just need your space. You have a few priviledged friends who saw past your colder exterior to find the true you. You can have pretty bad mood swings (though you hate to admit it) so you could be soft one second then storming around the next! But over all, you're a very pleasant person once people take the time to get to know you. You're a good friend for in-depth talks. You're very talanted when it comes to creative things.(If you can't see tje pics, go to my homepage and look near the bottom and find your result) What season are you? (pics) brought to you by Quizilla You're the color blue. You have the three c's in life--you're cool, caring and confident. Trustworthy and honest, people are naturally attracted to you. You're unusually optimistic, but that makes life all the better. You're an imaginative person who loves sleeping and dreaming. Hard-working and determined, you excell in school. You're everybody's favorite, and this is because you have this undefined richness in your personality and attitude. Mild-tempered and stable. Not to mention very intelligent. Along with the fact that you're conservative, you're worried about the environment. So basically, you're a generous, dependable and devoted--just the kind of person everybody needs. Wouldn't it be great if everybody in the world were like you? What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!) brought to you by Quizilla You're a mermaid. The stereotypical mermaid had a long, fish-like tail that blended with the human torso at the hips and almost white skin with red hair or some off color like green or blue. They were the most fantastic singers and the siren type of mermaids would lure sailors with their lovely lullaby into dangerous rocks. They were mostly harmless and peacefull and they were content to simply sit on the beach combing their hair or in the water playing with friends. They never wore clothes and were always women. They were sweet and a little deciteful at times. (If you cannot see the picture, go to my userpage and look near the bottom. There should be the picture and description for all the results) What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures) brought to you by Quizilla Your a Guradien Angel! Guardien Angels are also knows as Warrior Angels, because they are the army of God. Not always meaning that they are in war, simply that their job is to protect unwary humans from dark dragons, or other evil demons. Warrior Angels are not always friendly with humans, but they will watch over them all the time. Humans say that when a miracle happens, thank your guradien angel. What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures! brought to you by Quizilla Your kind of beauty is mysterious. You are not a very open person so you can be hard to figure out. Some people would say ALL girls are this way but your mysteriousness is intriguing and makes people want to find out more about you. Your beauty is like a pair os eyes. So pretty, so deep, and yet they hold so much emotion that you have to look hard to see. You're pretty intoverted so you talk a lot less than some of the people you might know and when you do it's probably very soft and calm. You don't really like the way you look but trust me, you're beauty is special and desirable.(If you can't see tje pics, go to my homepage and look near the bottom and find your result) What kind of Beauty should you have? (girl) (PICS) brought to you by Quizilla Your an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all the dragons, you are most powerful but do not like to show it. A rare and special creture, you have artistic style and are great at expressing yourself. You think friends and Familly are the most important, and are a hopeless romantic. But of course, as ice goes, you can be a little cold or harsh at times. But not to worry, you always apoligize later! What elemental dragon are you? brought to you by Quizilla You are the Secretive Mermaid. Perpetual beauty that longs for legs to walk by the side of men. You spend your time gazing at the stars and whispering to the moon. You have little to no freinds that breathe. Your freinds all missing. You are sweet as syryp and kind as cake. There are a handful of people and mermaids like you. Would you rate my quiz I will keep it a secret? What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics) brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
6:29 pm	AWSOME SONG I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it's going to get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment and I couldn't find it, so I called up the place where the party was, they hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'cause for some reason, I leave it there sometimes, but not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man and I really hate to have to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, so I went to the Kiev and at breakfast. Then as I walked down Second Avenue toward St. Mark's Place,where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted 22 bucks, but I talked him down to 17. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 10th, 2004
3:00 pm	LONG ASS TIME! well i havent written in a wikid long time because i just started school so i have been busey with that, and ending my job and getting my self together. but i have GREAT classes this year, like my music apps class, all that we do is lesten to music all class, and its good stuff too. so there is that, and i have alot of nice people in my classes, like i met this kid named James and he is from England so i can talk to him about all that good stuff because i have always wanted to go there. and its great because this year since im home i can spend time with shannon and stuff, so that is all good. on the bad news front, Yossi and i are over, and i have a feeling for good this time, i did what i always do, get over dramtic and say shit that i dont mean, still pisses me off that we ended just because i said something dumb. w/e its out of my hands. i hate it when things are out of my hands, because its not all about me, its about him and his happyness too, and i just guess that he couldnt handle me and quite frankly i cant handle him, hes never home and i never get to see him. AND to top it all off he dropped out of school wich i tryed to be suportive but i jsut said fuck that because its a stupid idea and it pissed me off SOOO much that he can jsut throw away his life like that...but ::deep sigh:: its none of my concern anymore. anyways i have nothing once again to do this weekend but The Sims 2 is comming out next weekend and my birthday is coming up, but its kind of depressing becuase yossi was going to come and see me for my birthday, but he prolly would of ended up not being able to or not showing and it would of depressed me even more, so maybe this is a good thing, w.e it cant be a good thing, i really liked him. OK i have to shower lol need to clear my head, byeeeeeeeeeeee love always your lady and misstress Carrie Lee in the house of Gray Current Mood: crappy Current Music: The Bible is Bull shit (look it up awsome song) (Comment on this)
Monday, August 16th, 2004
4:37 pm	SO DIRTY!!!! OMG! not only did Robin (my bitch of a manager) make me stay from 6:00 in the morning until 5:00 today but she made me clean up around the garbage bin out side, wich i figured should be THAT bad i mean i had a little broom and a can thing how bad could it possably be? well i was SO wrong #1 half (ok more than half) of the shit out there are cigg butts...so it was a bitch to sweep them up #2 as i was doing this dirty deed for the woman and my co-workers that smoke and smell worse than curttled milk, i realized...'what the FUCK! we are right fucking next the the garbage can...are they really that lazy they cant throught the butt away when they are done!?' so i am vowing NEVER to agree to clean up after them AGAIN. they are big kids now, they should be able to clean the shit up them slefs. in other news, yossi's not talking to me...w/e we got into a fight about something stupid again so w/e as far as im concered if he is just going to hide from me and now return my phone calls or e-mails that happen to be important and he knows that, then he can go fuck himself because im fedup with it. 1.You will marry him and produce five children, although one will be mentally retarded. You will be a house wife, and he wil own a music store. Your love for eachother is immense and nothing can bring you apart. Which random guy will you marry? (.pics.) brought to you by Quizilla AWSOME! i like his hair! lol kk im going to take a nap, more to come later! sencerly your lady and mistress Carrie Lee in the house of Gray Current Mood: content (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
1:11 am	humm, alot has happened in a few days,i got a job, finally! bad thing is the summer is like almost over lol, but other than that its really cool, the people there are really nice. the only bad thing is i work from 6:00 to 12:00 in the MORNING! so i have to get up at lik 5:00 but w.e i will be making money finally. that means i should be going to bed, but my sleeping habbits havent ajusted yet. another thing is i found this really cool site where they have all these all-ready made tee shirts and hoodies but u can have them put whatever you want on them, for a really good price (like 30.00 for a hoodie and around 19.00 for a tee) its really cool im totaly going to get a hoodie that says 'death to mr. timberlake!' muhahhaHa!!!! ::cough:: ok i really have to go to sleep for the sake of my custermers and there coffee cooladas lol love always your lady and misstress Carrie Lee of the house of Gray (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 16th, 2004
3:36 am	BOOO hummm, what can i say tonight. i got to talk to yossi so that was nice, i never get to talk to him for very long, but it was nice for the short time it lasted, and anyway its good for my phone bill ^^ but i dont know, my mom is pissed at me for "ruining" her vacation, when all im doing is sleeping and watching TV and then she bitches that i dont get out much, well mom maybe i would get out more if we where home and i had friends, hummm i dont know just maybe. what the fuck ever, she can think whatever she wants to, but i dont see how if she wants me to have fun and i am having fun with sleeping,eatting,video games; how can i possably have fun when she is always on my ass about what im doing, and always critasizing what im doing, its fucking bull shit. i mean i dont walk in on her her start yelling at her that im concered that she reads to much i mean serously, what is the BIG difference between reading and watching TV, both are forms of entertainment and both are rich with information and new worlds, so how dare she critasize me when we are doing basicly the same thing. whatever. im happy because i got to talk to yossi, so im done with complaining. i need a new cross, i have this really big,well not tooo big but pretty big, really pretty cross but some of the stones fell out, wich i am not to happy about. but i need to find a new one bcasue i really loved this one. and Matt gave me one, but then i gave it back to him, along with other asorted items, after we broke up. then he turned around and gave it to some chick...bastard...whatever guess i had it coming i mean when we where going out i cheated on him and then like 4 days after i dumped him i fucked Jack, but the whole Jack thing was frankly none of his bussness. i misss David...i wish that things didnt end the way that they did, he was like my big brother, and so understanding...well at times, i mean sometimes he pissed me off so much with his methiods of hate. i dont know it was almost like he never told me fully how he was feeling about things, and i wish that he did so then i could of been a better friend, i mean he was the one who wanted me to be with Jack, so when i went with Jack then all of a suddon he didnt want me with him and got mad at me when i was, i mean i understand his anger on the matter, but parts i dont, he got mad because i had jack on my profile and not him, but if he simple told me this bothered him, then i would of been able to do something about it with out there being this whole big thing about it. and then he was mad that i never talked to him anymore when i left forman, see the big problem with all these things was that he waited until he was going to yell at me then block me, to tell me all these things, i mean if he had told me he felt this way then i would of changed but no forwarning w/e i must sleep xoxox sencerly your lady and misstress Carrie Lee of the house of Gray Current Mood: chipper Current Music: your so vain (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
4:06 am	POOOOOOOOOOOO wow, im up again, im having major issues in the sleep department, and it cant be the yossi thing because he called me last night and everything is better now, i dont know im still kind of mad at shannon because she NEVER calls me back when i need her to. like i will ask her to go some where with me and she will tell me that she is going to ask her mom and then she never calls me back, so by the time i hunt her down it is much to late for me to change plans and do something with someone else, so then i end up not doing anything, and that sucks ass. but she is like a sister to me, and i have my bad points to me too and she still is my friend anyway, so i will accept her and move on, i have much bigger fish to fry anyway. like this kid that i know Jared, i mean hes a nice kid, and he has been "in love" with me for a long time, and i mean serously i jsut think of him a a friend, and we where talking tonight becuase i like to talk to him, and we where talking about some hot girls that he got high with or something dumb that pissed me off. and so then i started talking about yossi, and i kinda mentioned the small simple fact that i have never really met the kid face to face. now i know that sounds like really bad, but i dont know to me it dont really, i mean its jsut like meeting someone through a friend that has been friends with them, and then u set up a time when u will meet up. now all that i have to do is get a car and i can go and see him. and i mean everyone is entitaled to their own opion, but this kid jsut pissed me off to NO END, he was fucking laughing at me, and was making me feel really really bad, then he was all like "well then i shouldnt be jelouse of this kid! he should be jelouse of me i mean i have seen you." i mean could there of been any other way that he could of handled it i mean its just dumb, and i hate it when people try to make u feel bad, i think that he was having some sort of power trip or something because now he might not have my heart like yossi does, but he has the mear sight of me to hold up above yossi, almost like we are playing one big game of monkey in the middle. this shit sucks im not a fucking game. whatever im going ot go and watch TV because my tummy is telling me its hungrey! sencerly you lady and misstress Carrie Lee of the house of Gray Current Mood: angry Current Music: Time to say good bye- josh groban (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 13th, 2004
1:08 am	::ring::......................::ring::....::blink::......::automated bitch::to leave a voic-....::phone slides from hand as body melts into a sea of dissapointment. clicks phone off with big toe as she lay on the floor, melting and thinking as hard as she can:: wow, i have called yossi like 4,000 times...he must think im some sort of stalker...::recalls time at barlow when she had a crush on Alex Williams (man he was such a cutie):: ::romantic sigh:: "what lunch do you think he has?" .... "AHHH I SEE HIM" ::shannon narrows her eyes looking up from home work, her normal hyper voice turns to a stale mono-tone:: "your a stalker" ::she came back from the memory still laying on her floor she grabbed the nearest heavey object and started to hit herself in the head repeating:: IM NOT A STALKER....::continues this until her brain seems to be pooring out of her head on to the cold floor::...shit not agian...::her body twitches as it starts to shut down slowly, even with her brain seeping on to the floor she continued to talk to herself:: im def. not a stalker, i just wish that i could talk to him and tell him im sorry, but hes always busey or hes mad at me and thats y he wont talk to me, i wish he would grow up and stop giving me the silent treatment....::sigh:: the silent treatment...::goes off into the world of well Carriedomdomdomdom...:: the silent treatment, a very annoying and imature YET effective method of getting your A.way B.your point across or the horrabul C.getting rid of someone you dont like...::thinks to self before speaking outloud to self (like herself wont hear her thoughts in her head):: CONCLUTION: this sucks total and compleat ass, even if he isnt giving me the silent treatment ::prays in her head:: then that means that he just dont have time to talk to me...humm wich is worse...god damn it, ofcorse the one that is happaning will seem worse than the other, but i dont know wich one is the one that is going on because he wont talk to me, but if he could talk to me then he wouldnt be busey, but then that would mean that nothing was wrong because for the silent treatment to be effective he would have to umm well not talk to me...so then as soon as he calls me i will know everything will be ok...wow...what a spindled web we weve...ewww i hate spiders...wow the life of Carrie Gray: "everyday theres a tragaty."-no use for a name-always Carrie...thats right! i have a song, by a VERY good punk band, i mean they spelled it right and everything! ^^ MUHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA.. yeah ok...now does anyone else think its creepy that i just had like a whole convo with myself about calling yossi, if calling him 4,000 times dont make me a stalker, then talking to myself about him must make me like crazy or a skizo or something...atleast there was no voice that answered back...this time...::scary music is turned on by the little man in her head:: BUM BUM BUMMMM.....::looks around:: holy shit...i need sleep. but i feel so incomplet, u see i got a phone call, and hoping it was yossi, i picked it up and WHO WAS IT? a different guy...and he was high so u can guess what an intelagent convo that was, so i MISSED Inuyasha, now i totaly will never get to sleep feeling this incompletness, that and the nabors teen age son is being loud as fuck...then im stressed about yossi, wich has keept me up for 3 day until like 5:00 hoping to hear from him, i need to get something like humm i dont know... A LIFE! but the motavation corrnor for my brain is unoccupied due to budget cuts in the past week...its the summer i will higher that little fucker again when school comes around, but he was just asking for way to much... god my week has sucked thanks again to the wonder that is my womans cycle i mean everything that i ate i threw up it was like i was pregnat with the devil i was so bloated, but hey it made my boobs huge lol. the only upside. then there is this kid Tucker who has been bothering me for like months now about fucking him and at first i was like yeah ok w/e, and then i got really into yossi, so then i had to tell him that i couldnt because i loved yossi, but see now the whole theme of Tuckers life is to try and get me away from yossi...so isnt this jsut craptastic, i have a crazy kid named Tucker (whome yes i did USED to like..key word in this sentence campers is USED and the helping words..TO LIKE...very good!) after me, constantly telling me bullshit and asking me how long he thinks im going to love yossi, like i put some sort of cooking timer on mine and his relationship, its a relationship not a freaking turkey. so sick of stupid people ::twitch:: and i miss hanging out with shannon, i wish that like i dont know she could come up, but she is so damn busey too, i dont know i wish that yossi would come and see me, but there is no way he could pull that off legaly. i dont know, i have been making alot of wishes latly and none have come true, but ::smile:: i musent be selfish and ungreatful for the wishes i have made that have come true, like to have someone to love me, i got yossi...well that is, if he still does love me...humm..i have to pee, i guess i will go, no one reads this thing anyway, and even if they do i prolly lost them after the secound time i started talking to myself... sencerly your lady and misstress Carrie Lee of the house of Gray Current Mood: scared Current Music: i put a spell on you-marilyn manson (7 Comments |Comment on this)
1:03 am	boy do i have alot of quizes for all of you lucky campers!!!!! A GAME-BOY. Youre like a tomboy without the love of sports. Reality sucks, but as long as you have your electronics you feel you can cope. Time goes unnoticed when youre locked in your room hooked up to your Nintendo, rocking to your favourite collection of guitar-driven albums. Your virtues: Intelligence, sense-of-humour, individuality. Your flaws: Inability to cope with real life, action-freak spirit, reclusive nature. Your Personality type is the only type that would like this cool online gothic Game: www.life-blood.vze.com What kind of girl are you? brought to you by Quizilla Riyo - What would your Japanese name be? (female) brought to you by Quizilla Feminine What's your sexual appeal? brought to you by Quizilla As a close relative the wolf of light looks almost, how do you say it? Twin like. Even though light wolves look similar, the true relative to these wolves are the night wolves. A light wolf has two separate tails that flow like ribbons. It is hard to really ever catch one of these since they are shy and timid. They certainly have lots of stamina but they have powers locked within and can only be released if a light wolf becomes one with his brother/sister. This is also the only wolf that can jump higher than the rest. An exquisite and creative wolf this one can be. With their caring uniqueness The wolf of light can always be the one you depend on. Wow.. What Elemental Wolf Are You? (with pics/read memo) brought to you by Quizilla An aquatic animal soul is the one that has control over you. You could be a dolphin or a shark, Im not too sure. You seem to be quite and very calm. Although you may do some stupid things at times youre a great friend. The average life span of a fish would be for a few years. Yet you dont care. Anyway, you will be the one who is trustworthy and always there. Good for you. What animal soul do you posses?(with pics) brought to you by Quizilla Love. You Truly Desire Love. You long for someone to hold you and take the pain away. You haven't been in much relationships or you need to work on how to handle them. You always seem lost in a daydream about the person you care about most. PLEASE RATE What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS* brought to you by Quizilla You are a Fairy. Wait a minute, a fairy? Well you are not a mermaid at all. But you enjoy all things and love all. You blossom every morning and enjoy the simple pleasures of life. There are so many fairies, I can not count them all What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics) brought to you by Quizilla Aphrodite/Eros ?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ?? brought to you by Quizilla You're Element is Night. You're a loner who is very creative but never show your work to anyone. You may smile a little but sadness or loneliness surround you and other can feel it when they're near you. You have a dark or unusual beauty that makes you mysterious and you probably have a lot of secrets that you've never told anyone. You're beauty is intriging and unorthidox but the real thing that makes you special is your eyes. Something in them makes them like Diamonds in the Rough. What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES) brought to you by Quizilla Faerie: Faeries are sweet loving beings who love to help people. They are not held back by reality and love to dream and fly around. You probably are very creative and although not the most popular person in the world you are probably loved by many for your sweet caring personality. What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics) brought to you by Quizilla Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure Angels always appear when a child is born, when a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and show their love to everyone in the world. What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures! brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: cold Current Music: cold- stupid girl (Comment on this)
Monday, July 12th, 2004
7:14 pm	hehe With Which Harry Potter Male Are You Most Sexually Compatible? brought to you by Quizilla AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I GOT PERCYYYY!!! ::does a dance:: not only is he much hotter than harry potter, but he is soooooooooooooooo cute and a good char. ahhhhhhhh hehe. i love these quiz things, they are alot of fun!!! so do it and tell me what u got ^^ i swear..its fun...no really im not lying at all! i promisss. so anyway i havent really written in a really long time about anything, i have done all these quiz things but nothing more...my life is going great right now. i mean yeah yossi and i kind of...ok yeah we got into a fight. and it kind of sucks that i never really get to talk to him, but i know that he is working hard...so i dont mind i guess..i was being kind of dumb when we where fighting, i dont know u all prolly dont want to know this lol but i was having THE WORST p-rod EVER, so i really was a bitch to him when it really wasnt needed all that was needed for the problem was just for me to talk to him and work things out, but i was being dumb...i dont know i just, i always want to feel like the special girl, and just finding out that a guy tells u the same stuff he has told another girl, just makes it not as special as it might of been, and im not going to lie, yeah i have told guys some of the same stuff but not everything, like i always tell the truth with the whole "who was ur best boyfriend" and "who do you love more" all that stuff i have always told the truth..i mean love means so many different things to me, there are many different levels and right now at this point in my life im really trying to work hard to cure old bad habbits and really to be serouse for onece, now all i needed was to find the right guy, but it seemed i did with yossi, even thought we are far from eachother he never said anything about that it was always me worrying about everything, never him. and i just hope i dont drive him away from me, but i just worry especially with finding that he has told other girls the same things as me. and i mean i have dont it and thats y i dont want to get rid of him, but i jsut want him to understand y i was and am a little upset about it. but i went about it the wrong way. and i need to write it down to remember not to do it the next time...maybe i need a guy to know me well enough to know that its just a reaction of mine and to let it pass before getting mad or something like that, but thats a big thing to look out for and that really wouldnt be fair to a guy...i dont know i need to get through this and i need him to talk to me, he hasnt in days, and its makeing me stress. but then again it always seems ever since yossi and i met we have kind of been on and off in the affection level for like 2 or 3 (dont know) years that we have known eachother, like we will go for a long time like a month where he will be really into me and talking to me and calling me and loving me and me loving him, but then after a while he gets to busey and then doesent call as much and then eventually he just doesnt talk to me anymore. now this is tempory because like 3 or more months later he will talk to me again and we will start all over, its kind of weird, but whatever as long as im on good terms with him i dont care, i really care about this kid and i want him to be ok in life, wether im next to him or not. i dont know, i guess things will turn out the way that they are soppost to. well im going to go i ahve to eat dinner and DG and pops (my grand parents) are here, so i will write later and wish me luck with yossi ^^ sencerly your lady and misstress Carrie Lee of the house of Gray Current Mood: stressed Current Music: the history channel (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
9:02 pm	FUCK Guys Like That You're Sensitive And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships! What Do Guys Like About You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: shannon talking (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 15th, 2004
2:55 pm	QUIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUHAHAHHA YOU ARE A UNICORN! You are a truly rare and unusual person. You strive for the best and will accept nothing less from life. This holds true for those you love as well, and you are always looking for that special someone with whom you can share your life. All you really want is to love and be loved in return. You have a truly good and noble spirit and don't seek to harm anyone. You are rather innocent about the nasty ways of the world and cannot understand why there must be so much strife. However, don't let your innocence serve as a barrier between yourself and others - there is much for you to learn in the world, so don't close yourself off to it. Now that you know what your inner animal spirit is, let me show you something else.... [LINK REMOVED] What is your Inner Animal Spirit? brought to you by Quizilla YOU ARE A PURPLE ROSE! You are an enchanting person, full of mystery. You possess an almost regal quality to you, and indeed you are often the best at whatever you choose to do. Everything you do is full of majesty and grace. You are not prone to crazy antics or wild stunts. You are more reserved in your thoughts and deeds - you think through everything you do or say. You are highly intellectual and can constantly amaze those around you with your leaps of logic and insight into life. Your friends and loved ones regard you with equal parts love and awe. You are a remarkably regal person in thought and deed - congratulations! [LINK REMOVED] What color Rose are you? brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: amused Current Music: No Use For a Name - Always Carrie (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 18th, 2004
8:54 pm	TELEVISION I sit alone contemplating What is missing inside me I desperately try to remember A life that's not meant to be I meditate And try to recapture Some sense of reality In my life But I look around I see numb empty faces The world is waiting to die And this apathy Is so suffocating The slow decay of my mind I've searched the world For someone with answers To questions that are plaguing me I scream in vain To anyone who'll listen But everbody's watchin' TV Is anyone alive? Am I lost in a world Where nothing matters? Am I lost in a world Where no one cares? Is anyone alive? (x2) Are we lost in a world Where nothing matters? Are we lost in a world Where no one cares? Is anyone alive? (x2) Current Music: stabbing westward - Television (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 14th, 2004
4:28 pm	LA la LA la ::sigh:: i failed my drivers ed written test lol, it was like 174 questions and i got 59 wrong, u can only get like 20 wrong...hopefuly in the next like 4 times that i have to take it i will pass it atleast once, it was hard!...lord of the rings is comming out in the 25 i totaly cant wait...this is so random, first really big drama for me unfolds at Barlow. Then whole plot is so twisted! I feel really bad for Jeff, hes having a tuff time right now, dont know what i can do to help hime threw it, he seems like he just wants to be left alone about the subject. 2 chicks got into a fight like a fight fight in school like a day or 2 ago, i didnt see it but acording to people that did it was quite a spectical. seemed to go the way most do, one called one anerexc and then the other retalated with "well ur fat" then the hitting and the ever popular with girl on girl fighting the pulling of the hair. Nothing else is really going on, Jeff attacted me because...well just becuause he felt like it, he savigly harrassed my ears with his fingars ewww...lol. im so tiered having to fucking get up at like 5:00 in the morning sucks at times but other than that everythings cool. im going to go and like take a nap laters always Carrie Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: raido (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 7th, 2004
10:15 pm	borrrrring well, today was much like any, Barlow was pretty boring,except for the fact that they are finally putting in the celling tiels so that we wont be walking into the wiers that hang down lol. im going to be in RI all week end what fun right? well a little i have really begun to reconnect with my mommy wich is nice. well yeah im-ah gon-ah go becuase theres really nothing in my life thats going on lol laters ~*~Carrie~*~ Current Mood: awake (Comment on this)